Got into a huge ridiculous fight with my parents again last night. This time about our messy kids creating chaos in the house.
I feel like that first line could read directly from my teenaged diary. Only this time the fight wasn't about staying out late, being somewhere I hadn't told them I was going, trying to hang out with that guy from school they didn't approve of... this time it was about my kids.
I'm livid. No one speaks ill of my kids or husband, I'm a protective momma bear and you better not mess with my cubs or mate, even if you are related to me by blood.
The problem is theres a fine line between who's right and who's wrong in this situation. Because of our medical problems my husband and I moved in with my parents, we thought it was a good solution as they are getting up in age and needed more assistance around the house. The assistance they are now not satisfied with and have instead been causing flashbacks to my less than stellar childhood. Mostly this consists of thinly veiled complaints regarding dishes, floors unswept, etc. but last night it escalated into something much more.
My mother, who is not in good health to begin with and half the reason they were eager to have us move in, spent ten minutes screaming at my husband about the mess our kids made in her living room and hallway. She was upset there were toys, crumbs and dried mud all over the place and no one had cleaned it up (yet). She then proceeded to scream at me as well telling us what bad parents we are and that she isn't going to put up with our sh*t much longer, thank goodness the kids were with their cousins for the weekend. She pointed out small areas that needed to be cleaned up but haven't been touched, insisted we were parenting "wrong" and wanted to know what I did all day while I was home (I'm unemployed and spend my time with the younger kids so we don't use day care).
Now friends we've talked about my chronic joint pain before, yesterday was a very bad day where were live and I was unable to accomplish anything. I was thankful for my adopted sister who took the kids for the weekend so I was able to rest and try to recuperate from the week. My husband last night was trying to unwind from his long week, so it just so happened that yesterday nothing was accomplished, because we did just that -- nothing.
Now we systematically take my mom to work on an almost daily basis, we do normal upkeep on the house that if you don't normally do yourself you hire a maid to do, Our rent is free so we do as much as we possibly can. I clean up after my kids as well as I can but sometimes it gets away from me, I'll admit that. When I have good days I do the little bit extra, this week it just wasn't in the cards for me. Now with my parents' medical problems we have to be understanding and compassionate because they are older and obviously will be encountering issues as they get up there in years. As for my medical problems and my husband's issues, these mean very little to my parents (and to his consequently) we're young so we should "suck it up and deal with it".
I find this greatly unfair. I think it's hard when you live in a multigenerational house, I believe it takes a balance and a certain amount of respect from all parties not just the adult children. I would love for my parents to understand the challenges I face on a daily basis, and while I don't mind being an adult friend to give a shoulder to cry on during a bad day, I do mind horrible screaming matches that send me straight back to high school.
So dear readers today was a cloud, here's hoping the sun comes out tomorrow.
Sunny
Saturday, November 8, 2014
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Supergirl + Chronic Joint Pain = Misery
I want to do it all.
I'd love to be a successful author (we can debate what I define as success later), an attentive, creative, compassionate mom, an animal rescuer, champion for the poor and downtrodden and more.
I can't even keep my house clean. It's the most frustrating part of being a mom and animal lover. Obviously with the four legged and two legged kids in my house I'm not expecting perfection, however, walking into the house and just SMELLING that the cat litter needs to be cleaned is discouraging.
I have a husband who I love more than anything in the world, he is funny, smart, amazing with the kids and dogs but he is the biggest slob I've ever met in my life (and believe me my brother is a pretty tough contender). He leaves glasses of milk out until they grow sour and moldy, then wants to throw them away because he can't stand the chunky texture as it makes him sick. Cleaning it up before it gets to that point doesn't occur to him, why clean it up before it gets that bad when you can procrastinate and just throw it away?
When we moved in together I took advice from friends who'd moved in with roommates and significant others well before we did, we created an agreement over who would take care of each area of the house. I hate cleaning the bathroom so he took that and the vacuuming. As for me I took the kitchen, dusting and laundry. This system worked perfectly for months, until he decided he was working full time and shouldn't *need* to clean up his areas of the house. Mind you I had the same issue working full time so my areas weren't always perfect but I would do the dishes and laundry every week or so as needed.
After a couple of years I just gave up and cleaned as best I could. Again working full time at a mentally draining job I didn't get to keep my house as clean as I wanted but I kept the litter boxes and laundry done which was what I could manage at the time. The rest of the house just mostly looked like a bomb went off in it. I was embarrassed to have people over to see the mess we were living it but I was just being diagnosed with depression and it was a hard time for me personally. I would make lists, ask my husband to do one or two things around the house but wouldn't be surprised when I came home to a similar degree of mess. (i.e. the mess from the living room moved to the bedroom, kitchen, etc)
More time went by and nothing changed, it's been years, I now have a chronic joint illness which doesn't allow me to do what I want to do when I want to do it. It affects everything, from how much I can play with my four legged babies to how long I can lift the two legged kids. Pretty much after working I have to choose if I should clean up the mess made worse by my unemployed husband or spending time with my children.
It's especially frustrating for me because I battle OCD on a daily basis, I'm trying to stay sane among all the chaos but it's starting to mentally bring me down, which is a recipe for disaster considering it then triggers my depression. I'm at a loss dear readers and would love feed back or suggestions.
Please keep said suggestions to yourself that I'm a b*tch and should just suck it up and clean or that I'm should get rid of my four legged babies if I can't take care of them. I CAN take care of them, it's the rest of the cleaning that comes as a challenge (laundry, daily dishes, putting things away on a daily basis -- things that haven't been done and have gotten out of control).
Sunny
I'd love to be a successful author (we can debate what I define as success later), an attentive, creative, compassionate mom, an animal rescuer, champion for the poor and downtrodden and more.
I can't even keep my house clean. It's the most frustrating part of being a mom and animal lover. Obviously with the four legged and two legged kids in my house I'm not expecting perfection, however, walking into the house and just SMELLING that the cat litter needs to be cleaned is discouraging.
I have a husband who I love more than anything in the world, he is funny, smart, amazing with the kids and dogs but he is the biggest slob I've ever met in my life (and believe me my brother is a pretty tough contender). He leaves glasses of milk out until they grow sour and moldy, then wants to throw them away because he can't stand the chunky texture as it makes him sick. Cleaning it up before it gets to that point doesn't occur to him, why clean it up before it gets that bad when you can procrastinate and just throw it away?
When we moved in together I took advice from friends who'd moved in with roommates and significant others well before we did, we created an agreement over who would take care of each area of the house. I hate cleaning the bathroom so he took that and the vacuuming. As for me I took the kitchen, dusting and laundry. This system worked perfectly for months, until he decided he was working full time and shouldn't *need* to clean up his areas of the house. Mind you I had the same issue working full time so my areas weren't always perfect but I would do the dishes and laundry every week or so as needed.
After a couple of years I just gave up and cleaned as best I could. Again working full time at a mentally draining job I didn't get to keep my house as clean as I wanted but I kept the litter boxes and laundry done which was what I could manage at the time. The rest of the house just mostly looked like a bomb went off in it. I was embarrassed to have people over to see the mess we were living it but I was just being diagnosed with depression and it was a hard time for me personally. I would make lists, ask my husband to do one or two things around the house but wouldn't be surprised when I came home to a similar degree of mess. (i.e. the mess from the living room moved to the bedroom, kitchen, etc)
More time went by and nothing changed, it's been years, I now have a chronic joint illness which doesn't allow me to do what I want to do when I want to do it. It affects everything, from how much I can play with my four legged babies to how long I can lift the two legged kids. Pretty much after working I have to choose if I should clean up the mess made worse by my unemployed husband or spending time with my children.
It's especially frustrating for me because I battle OCD on a daily basis, I'm trying to stay sane among all the chaos but it's starting to mentally bring me down, which is a recipe for disaster considering it then triggers my depression. I'm at a loss dear readers and would love feed back or suggestions.
Please keep said suggestions to yourself that I'm a b*tch and should just suck it up and clean or that I'm should get rid of my four legged babies if I can't take care of them. I CAN take care of them, it's the rest of the cleaning that comes as a challenge (laundry, daily dishes, putting things away on a daily basis -- things that haven't been done and have gotten out of control).
Sunny
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