Got into a huge ridiculous fight with my parents again last night. This time about our messy kids creating chaos in the house.
I feel like that first line could read directly from my teenaged diary. Only this time the fight wasn't about staying out late, being somewhere I hadn't told them I was going, trying to hang out with that guy from school they didn't approve of... this time it was about my kids.
I'm livid. No one speaks ill of my kids or husband, I'm a protective momma bear and you better not mess with my cubs or mate, even if you are related to me by blood.
The problem is theres a fine line between who's right and who's wrong in this situation. Because of our medical problems my husband and I moved in with my parents, we thought it was a good solution as they are getting up in age and needed more assistance around the house. The assistance they are now not satisfied with and have instead been causing flashbacks to my less than stellar childhood. Mostly this consists of thinly veiled complaints regarding dishes, floors unswept, etc. but last night it escalated into something much more.
My mother, who is not in good health to begin with and half the reason they were eager to have us move in, spent ten minutes screaming at my husband about the mess our kids made in her living room and hallway. She was upset there were toys, crumbs and dried mud all over the place and no one had cleaned it up (yet). She then proceeded to scream at me as well telling us what bad parents we are and that she isn't going to put up with our sh*t much longer, thank goodness the kids were with their cousins for the weekend. She pointed out small areas that needed to be cleaned up but haven't been touched, insisted we were parenting "wrong" and wanted to know what I did all day while I was home (I'm unemployed and spend my time with the younger kids so we don't use day care).
Now friends we've talked about my chronic joint pain before, yesterday was a very bad day where were live and I was unable to accomplish anything. I was thankful for my adopted sister who took the kids for the weekend so I was able to rest and try to recuperate from the week. My husband last night was trying to unwind from his long week, so it just so happened that yesterday nothing was accomplished, because we did just that -- nothing.
Now we systematically take my mom to work on an almost daily basis, we do normal upkeep on the house that if you don't normally do yourself you hire a maid to do, Our rent is free so we do as much as we possibly can. I clean up after my kids as well as I can but sometimes it gets away from me, I'll admit that. When I have good days I do the little bit extra, this week it just wasn't in the cards for me. Now with my parents' medical problems we have to be understanding and compassionate because they are older and obviously will be encountering issues as they get up there in years. As for my medical problems and my husband's issues, these mean very little to my parents (and to his consequently) we're young so we should "suck it up and deal with it".
I find this greatly unfair. I think it's hard when you live in a multigenerational house, I believe it takes a balance and a certain amount of respect from all parties not just the adult children. I would love for my parents to understand the challenges I face on a daily basis, and while I don't mind being an adult friend to give a shoulder to cry on during a bad day, I do mind horrible screaming matches that send me straight back to high school.
So dear readers today was a cloud, here's hoping the sun comes out tomorrow.
Sunny
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