I want to do it all.
I'd love to be a successful author (we can debate what I define as success later), an attentive, creative, compassionate mom, an animal rescuer, champion for the poor and downtrodden and more.
I can't even keep my house clean. It's the most frustrating part of being a mom and animal lover. Obviously with the four legged and two legged kids in my house I'm not expecting perfection, however, walking into the house and just SMELLING that the cat litter needs to be cleaned is discouraging.
I have a husband who I love more than anything in the world, he is funny, smart, amazing with the kids and dogs but he is the biggest slob I've ever met in my life (and believe me my brother is a pretty tough contender). He leaves glasses of milk out until they grow sour and moldy, then wants to throw them away because he can't stand the chunky texture as it makes him sick. Cleaning it up before it gets to that point doesn't occur to him, why clean it up before it gets that bad when you can procrastinate and just throw it away?
When we moved in together I took advice from friends who'd moved in with roommates and significant others well before we did, we created an agreement over who would take care of each area of the house. I hate cleaning the bathroom so he took that and the vacuuming. As for me I took the kitchen, dusting and laundry. This system worked perfectly for months, until he decided he was working full time and shouldn't *need* to clean up his areas of the house. Mind you I had the same issue working full time so my areas weren't always perfect but I would do the dishes and laundry every week or so as needed.
After a couple of years I just gave up and cleaned as best I could. Again working full time at a mentally draining job I didn't get to keep my house as clean as I wanted but I kept the litter boxes and laundry done which was what I could manage at the time. The rest of the house just mostly looked like a bomb went off in it. I was embarrassed to have people over to see the mess we were living it but I was just being diagnosed with depression and it was a hard time for me personally. I would make lists, ask my husband to do one or two things around the house but wouldn't be surprised when I came home to a similar degree of mess. (i.e. the mess from the living room moved to the bedroom, kitchen, etc)
More time went by and nothing changed, it's been years, I now have a chronic joint illness which doesn't allow me to do what I want to do when I want to do it. It affects everything, from how much I can play with my four legged babies to how long I can lift the two legged kids. Pretty much after working I have to choose if I should clean up the mess made worse by my unemployed husband or spending time with my children.
It's especially frustrating for me because I battle OCD on a daily basis, I'm trying to stay sane among all the chaos but it's starting to mentally bring me down, which is a recipe for disaster considering it then triggers my depression. I'm at a loss dear readers and would love feed back or suggestions.
Please keep said suggestions to yourself that I'm a b*tch and should just suck it up and clean or that I'm should get rid of my four legged babies if I can't take care of them. I CAN take care of them, it's the rest of the cleaning that comes as a challenge (laundry, daily dishes, putting things away on a daily basis -- things that haven't been done and have gotten out of control).
Sunny
No comments:
Post a Comment